I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
