I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
