an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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