Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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