it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
