I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
