need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
