You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just gargled with NyQuil
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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