I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
