Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
