just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
