Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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