Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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