Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
