so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
