So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
