Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
