So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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