Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
