The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You took a bar mat shot.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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