He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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