I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
