I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
