i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
