I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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