hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
