I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
