That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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