I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
