If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize