i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
