im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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