Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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