Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everyone says I win the strip club
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize