i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
