Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
