Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
