I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
