It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
