I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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