Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
