As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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