I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
