i already hear my dad disowning me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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