this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
