he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
