I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
