please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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