She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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