Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
