Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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