I accidentally had phone sex last night
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize