I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im part way to drunk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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