can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
