May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
