One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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