It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
