On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am mentally ready for anal.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
