but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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