those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
last night I used snow as a chaser
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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