chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
