I just pynch a tree in the face
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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