I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
