I cannot find my penis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
