is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
