Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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