So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
