haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
