i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
