Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
