Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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