Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
